Let Them Fail: Why Shielding Your Athlete From Adversity Hurts More Than It Helps
You’ve probably seen it.
Your athlete crumbles under pressure.
They struggle to bounce back after a bad game.
They give up too quickly or seem terrified to make a mistake.
And as a parent, your instinct is to help. To fix it. To shield them from pain.
But here’s the truth:
Every time you rescue them from failure, you rob them of the opportunity to grow.
As an elite performance coach, athlete mentor and former pro athlete, I’ve worked with hundreds of athletes who look the part physically—but mentally, they’re behind. Not because they’re not talented. Not because they don’t care. But because they’ve never been allowed to fail.
We are in a culture where youth sports are more competitive than ever, yet paradoxically, we’re removing the very challenges that build competitive greatness.
Failure Is the Foundation of Success
Failure isn’t a flaw in the journey. It is the journey.
Not making the team.
Getting benched.
Messing up in a high-pressure moment.
Losing, even when you worked hard.
These are the exact experiences that teach young athletes how to:
Bounce back from adversity
Stay focused under pressure
Take ownership of their performance
Develop internal motivation
Build mental toughness that lasts beyond sports
Without failure, there’s no urgency to improve.
Without struggle, there’s no reason to dig deeper.
“You can’t coach mental toughness into a kid who’s never had to overcome anything. Failure is the training ground for greatness.”
Where Sports Parents Are Getting It Wrong
Most of the time, it’s done with the best intentions. You want your child to succeed. You hate seeing them hurt. You want to help.
But helping turns harmful when it sounds like:
“Why aren’t they playing you more?”
“Let’s find you a new team where you’re appreciated.”
“I’ll call the coach and straighten this out.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a private coach to fix this.”
And just like that, you’ve sent a message: "You can’t handle this. You need me to make it easier for you."
What that creates is an athlete who’s:
Afraid of making mistakes
Dependent on others to solve problems
Lacking the confidence that only comes from overcoming adversity
Ask yourself: Am I preparing my child for success, or protecting them from discomfort? One leads to growth. The other leads to fragility.
What Letting Them Fail Actually Looks Like
Letting your athlete fail doesn’t mean being hands-off or unsupportive. It means understanding your role—and trusting the process.
Here’s what it actually looks like:
Let them sit with disappointment. Don’t rush to solve it. Let them feel it.
Allow natural consequences. If they don’t work hard, they don’t play. That’s not unfair. That’s real life.
Ask reflective questions instead of offering solutions:
“What do you think you could do differently?”
“What did you learn from that experience?”
“What’s one thing you can control next time?”Celebrate effort and response more than outcome. It’s not about whether they win or lose. It’s about whether they get back up and grow from it.
The athletes who reach the next level aren’t the ones who never failed. They’re the ones whose parents stood beside them—not in front of them—when things got hard.
You’re Not the Coach. You’re the Anchor.
As a parent, your job isn’t to coach from the sidelines or clear the path.
It’s to be the steady presence behind the scenes—no matter what the scoreboard says.
You are:
The one who believes in them after a bad game.
The one who helps them process failure instead of avoiding it.
The one who doesn’t panic, even when they fall short.
When you let your athlete struggle, reflect, and come back stronger—you’re giving them the edge most athletes never develop.
The Long Game Is Bigger Than Any One Season
This isn’t about one tryout. One team. One tournament.
This is about raising an athlete who’s tough enough to handle the real world—on and off the field.
Because sports will end one day.
But the ability to push through adversity, to rise after failure, and to believe in themselves when things get hard?
That lasts a lifetime.
If your athlete struggles to carry their practice skills into games, confidence may be the missing piece.
Get your copy of Next Level Confidence for Athletes - the complete guide to building your athlete’s confidence to help them unlock their true potential.