Why Focusing on Results Holds Your Athlete Back — What Parents Should Do Instead
As a sports parent, it’s natural to want your child to succeed. You want them to start, score, win, move up, and stand out. But here’s the truth most parents never hear: when you focus too much on results, you unintentionally hold your athlete back.
In my work with youth athletes and families, I’ve seen it countless times. Parents obsess over stats, playing time, rankings, or whether their child made the “top team,” thinking these outcomes reflect real progress. But the opposite is true: results don’t create growth—staying focused on the process does.
If you want your athlete to play with confidence, develop resilience, and actually improve, the shift from outcomes to process isn’t optional. It’s essential.
Let’s break down why this matters, how outcomes create unnecessary pressure, and what process-focused parenting looks like in real practice and training.
Why Parents Focus Too Much on Results
(And Why It Backfires)
Youth sports today are more competitive than ever. Parents feel pressure from coaches, other parents, and social media. The highlight reels, rankings, and constant comparison make it feel like every game is a measure of your child’s future.
So parents naturally ask things like:
“Did you score?”
“Did you win?”
“How much did you play?”
“Were you one of the best out there?”
But results-based thinking creates three major problems:
1. It causes performance anxiety
When kids feel like their value is tied to outcomes, they become afraid to make mistakes. Instead of playing freely, they play tight, cautious, and scared.
2. It shifts motivation from internal to external
Kids begin playing for approval instead of enjoyment. They chase rewards—not growth.
3. It leads to short-term, not long-term development
Athletes start looking for quick wins instead of embracing the slow, steady work that actually builds elite performers.
This mindset traps athletes in a cycle where they’re constantly trying to “prove” themselves instead of improve themselves.
Why the Process Matters More Than the Scoreboard
The process is everything your athlete can control—their effort, focus, attitude, skill work, preparation, consistency, and mental game.
When parents emphasize the process, youth athletes develop:
1. True Confidence
Confidence doesn’t come from scoring or winning. Those moments feel good—but they fade fast.
Confidence comes from doing the work, improving over time, and seeing effort turn into ability.
2. Mental Toughness
Process-focused athletes don’t fall apart when things go wrong.
They understand that setbacks are feedback. Challenges don’t stop them—they sharpen them.
3. Resilience and Growth Mindset
Kids who learn to value improvement over perfection stay motivated longer, push harder, and handle adversity better.
4. Real Skill Development
When athletes stay committed to the process, the outcomes improve naturally —without the stress, fear, or pressure.
If you want long-term development, long-term confidence, and long-term opportunity… the process is the only path forward.
What Process-Focused Parenting Actually Looks Like
Celebrate Effort and Improvement, Not Outcomes
Ask questions like:
“What did you work on today?”
“Where did you improve?”
“What did you learn about your game?”
“What felt better than last week?”
Praise things like:
Hard work
Focus
Hustle
Trying something new
Bouncing back from mistakes
Being a great teammate
This creates athletes who trust themselves—no scoreboard required.
Treat Mistakes as Part of Learning
Say things like:
“Mistakes mean you’re growing.”
“What can we learn from that moment?”
“I love that you tried something challenging.”
When parents normalize mistakes, athletes stop fearing them—and start growing from them.
Focus More on Practice Than the Game
Practice is where athletes actually develop.
Encourage your athlete to focus on things like:
Showing up with purpose
Training consistently
Building strong routines
Working on fundamentals
Developing their mental game
Embracing feedback
Competing in practice, not hiding
Outcome-focused kids want to shine in games. Process-focused kids become unstoppable everywhere - especially in practice.
Help Your Athlete Set Process-Based Goals
Not “score more” or “make the top team.”
Instead:
“Work on my weak foot 10 minutes a day.”
“Stay composed after mistakes.”
“Win the hustle plays.”
“Use my confidence routine before each game.”
“Communicate more on the field.”
These goals empower athletes, as they give them something to focus on that they can control.
Model Patience and Long-Term Thinking
Don’t rush the journey. Don’t compare your child to others. Don’t panic when they don’t get the role you wanted them to have.
Say things like:
“Your time is coming.”
“Let’s focus on getting better.”
“Hard work always pays off.”
“You’re building something bigger than today’s result.”
Elite athletes aren’t built in a month. Or a season.
They’re built over years of consistent, process-focused development.
The Bottom Line: Process Creates the Results You Want
If you're a sports parent who wants your child to play with confidence, stand out to coaches, and develop into a high-performing athlete—this shift is the key.
Outcomes are a byproduct.
They are earned through:
Consistent training
Strong habits
Confidence
Resilience
Growth mindset
Skill mastery
Mental performance
And a commitment to doing the work
When parents commit to the process, kids grow. They play freer. They learn faster. They step into challenges instead of running from them.
But when the focus is only on outcomes, kids tighten up. They hesitate. They fear mistakes. And the pressure steals the joy — and the confidence — that fuels long-term success.
If you want your athlete to reach the next level, focus on what builds them: effort, growth, resilience, and the daily habits that shape champions.
The process creates the player. The process creates the confidence.
And the process is what ultimately produces the outcomes every parent hopes for.
If your athlete struggles to carry their practice skills into games, confidence may be the missing piece.
Get your copy of Next Level Confidence for Athletes - the complete guide to building your athlete’s confidence to help them unlock their true potential.